The first tool is the Mirror: Self Love.

Loving yourself might sound cliché, but it’s the most fundamental tool you can have in your belt! The mirror represents the first tool. Why? Because you are always the answer to everything!

You are the beginning and the end.
The problem and the solution!
And the sooner you can embrace this gigantic truth, the quicker you will be able to attract and create what you really want! You will stop looking outside yourself to be fulfilled, so you can take time and choose a partner who is a good match rather than choosing (or falling) out of desperation or need.

The law of attraction makes this point beautifully: "Energy flows where attention goes." And that’s what we will attract!

For example;
If you love yourself, so will others.
If you abuse yourself, so will others. If you take good care of yourself, so will others.
If you abandon yourself, so will others.
If you listen to yourself, so will they!

It’s just like a mirror: How you treat yourself is the way others will treat you! The way you love yourself is the way you will experience being loved! All you have to do is take a good look in it and if you don’t like what you see, change your relationship with yourself and the world around you will change too!

Taking responsibility for your reality takes a very big person and a great deal of maturity, but I can tell you it is paramount if you want to have a great relationship. It will start to blow your mind how such a simple tool can and will literally change your whole life!

*So remember: Whatever you want to attract in your life—all you have to do is BE that!

How do you change your relationship with yourself? Here’s one of my favorite exercises—

1) Set aside some time and list what you’re really looking for in a partner. Try not to leave anything out—let your imagination and heart run wild! You may have several pages when you're done, and that’s great. The more detail and emotion, the better!

2) Go through your list and underline all the things you listed that you are NOT. For example, you want an athletic man but you’re more of a sedentary type—or you want an outgoing man but you’re a bit shy– or you want a rich man but you’re struggling to make ends meet.

3) Now after you underline or highlight these areas, write these qualities or characteristics down on another sheet of paper. This is what I call your self–love Rx! That’s right, a prescription for you to take to heart and work on, because remember: we attract what we believe we are. So if you want a man who offers support, start supporting yourself and—trust me—so will he! You want one who listens, start listening to yourself: etc…

The second tool for your tool belt is the Stud Finder: Know what you want.

Most women say they want a stud—someone who’s handsome, tall, strong, accomplished, and kind—and then we end up with the same guy we chose last time, except this one has a different name. If we don’t take care to sort out and set our intention, we will just keep attracting the same unconscious patterns from one relationship to the next! Getting clear about what we want in a partner helps us end the cycle of attracting relationships that we don’t want or that are not healthy for us.

While all relationships are great breeding grounds for self–realization, learning to identify and name the strengths and characteristics you are looking for in a partner is a powerful and necessary tool—again, partly because energy flows where attention goes.

Identifying what you want and setting a clear intention gives you the greatest likelihood for attracting the relationship you have always dreamed of. When you add it to a great practice of self–care and self–love, nothing can stand in the way—you have set the universal law of attraction into effortless motion. The rest will just come naturally.

A lot of my students right about now start saying things like, "Wait a minute here — I am not so sure what I want and I don’t want to keep attracting the same kind of guy! What do I do now?"

First, my hat’s off to you, because that’s the key as we talked about in the first tool! This is a self–loving posture, stopping to see what we are doing and how that is creating what we have and have had. This tool helps you refine and define what you want. It takes some reflection, for sure, but every ounce of effort will be rewarded! Your partner will reflect the amount of care, respect and courage you show yourself!

My only warning is, be careful what you ask for—you will get it!!

Next is the Magnet: Commit to yourself.

If it’s commitment you want, give it to yourself first. So many women complain that men can’t commit, won’t commit—or worse, are totally incapable. That’s just not true. Men can commit just fine: they are, however, very discerning about who and what they will commit to. As they should be. The question is, what are you committed to? There is nothing more magnetizing or attractive than a person who has a strong commitment to themselves and their own path in life. While many men may be attracted to damsels in distress, the healthy man usually chooses a strong, capable partner—someone to stand as an equal by their side. So, don’t wait for someone to complete you; be the person you want to attract in relationship.

The fourth tool is the Flashlight: Interview well.

In today’s world, interviewing well is a MUST! The challenge is, most of use the hormonal litmus test instead of asking important questions. When we associate "feeling good" with a certain person, it clouds our ability to see clearly who they really are, and that’s when we get into all kinds of trouble.

Now that you have set the universal law of attraction into effortless motion, and you notice that possible partners are popping up, you’ll need these three keys to help you with discernment:

Love yourself enough to take care to find out who you are with! It takes practice to not let chemistry be your judge— it will be worth the wait! For most of us, the physical part of the relationship is the easy part.

The fifth tool is the Compass: Communicate responsibly.

This is about taking responsibility for how you communicate what you experience in relationship. It’s about being internally referenced. Most people play the blame game: they blame their feelings, disappointments and overall reality on their partners, and react or become unreasonably emotional when things don’t go their way. First you learn how to identify what you’re feeling, then what you need, and then respond to the situation accordingly. This is definitely a sophisticated task, and patience will come in handy. Inquiring about the nature of your feelings can be very uncomfortable for both of you, so being kind and gentle is always preferable. If you forget which direction to look for your answer, remember the arrow on the compass is pointing back at you too! Remember you carefully chose this person to be in relationship with—so act like it!

And finally, the Hammer: Crafting consciousness agreements.

Right about here is when you may be chomping at the bit to take that plunge into being sexual, so here is what separates the amateurs from the women. Have the courage to ask for what you want, to cut the crap, draw the lines—and listen carefully to what he wants—before you take the relationship into these depths. You will want to be crystal clear here, as you hammer out the details about your agreements in this new and delicate relationship. It’s a good time to take a look at what your values are—you may surprise yourself! Don’t be afraid: If you have done all your homework, you’ll nail this one easy!

My workshop "What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers: Find the Man, Get the Man, Keep the Man" is a good place to get individual attention, and if you need help learning how to use any of these tools, we help you create your own personalized Owner’s Manual!

So the next time some gorgeous man is in front of you, feel the comforting weight of the Relationship toolbelt on your hip, pull out whichever tool is appropriate and invite him to build something with you!